Background Story
In 2002 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. A calm, goofy, sleep-thru-the-night model. Life was great. He grew, and we loved him. Because he was such a good baby we decided to add to our family. Even though we discussed the possibility of having a completely opposite child, we thought their was a good chance we would get a similarly dispositioned child, right?

Within 2 weeks of getting pregnant, HS quit sleeping thru the night. He became incredibly energetic and more demanding. We still weren't too worried because all children go thru phases, right? So things calmed down, and in 2004 we (I...lol) gave birth to a wonderful little girl.
Except this was the never sleeps, completely needy, severe reflux that mirrors colic version baby. And HS? Well, he hit the terrible twos hard. Life was getting a little bit less pleasant.

As a SAHM I was floundering. I adore my kids, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for the SAHM life. My house is always a horrible mess, I never know how to difuse the hundreds of little spats my children get in, and at the end of the day I am so glad they have to go to bed. See I'm a terrible momma.

The Story
So the other night the kids went blissfully to sleep without a fight. I took a nice relaxing bath. DH took a bath. What do two adults to when the kids are in bed and their bodies are clean? We decided to get a little frisky.
I cannot tell you how nice it started out. We were so happy! It felt great! It was probably the best foreplay we have had in a while. To facilitate a little "dirty talk", I ask DH what he was thinking. He answers:
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"Having a baby."

My body immediately goes numb and cold, and I push him off me. I can see stars in my eyes, even laying down I'm feeling a bit peckish, my uterus puckers, and I may have actually blacked out.

DH is astounded by the reaction, and startes swearing he was just joking. Real fucking funny! Doesn't matter. My head feels like it is going to explode, and I can't stop shaking because no, just NO. All I can think of is that he must have the wrong impression of who I am because I am having a hard time being a good mother to the two I already have. It must be really nice to have a full time job that you love.(Grass is greener syndrome)Where you get to communicate with grown-ups all day longs, get to eat lunch by yourself, and don't have to deal with poop on a regular basis. REAL nice. And as much as I love my kids there is no way I could add one, and still keep my sanity. None whatsoever. Uhuh, no, fuck no. Can't do it.

Even worse than thinking all these thoughts? The mood was completely ruined. ~sigh~