Dear Car Commercial,

I'm sure you thought that having a thin woman strip in elevator, revealing work-out clothes, to the tune of "Turn Me On" would be a big hit, but I know something you may find informative:

Woman know how to remove clothing, in the passengers seat of a car, while belted in. It's easy!

Considering, in the commercial they were driving from an urban area into the desert, I'm sure she would have had plenty of time to undress in the car - Giving you more time to show off the car.

You are welcome.

--Jac


Dear Craigslist Pet Posters,

I understand that when you first adopted your pet you may have done stuff like spay/nueter, did yearly check-ups and maintenance, bought supplies, and (gasp) food over the months or years you have had it, but the adoption fees many of you are asking for are ridiculous.

All those things that I just mentioned? Are things you do as a good pet owner. Don't act like I should be impressed by your dogs quality of life when it was nothing more than you should have been doing in the first place.

So unless your dog shits golden eggs, a fee similar to the local humane society is far more appropriate.

Don't even get me started on you people getting rid of purebred pets. In 4 years your dog wouldn't even watch the Westminster Dog Show, much less been able to participate. Get over it. After the puppy and mold able stages, unless your dog is shown regularly, papers and purity mean squat.

Lest you think I'm some bitter person in the market for an animal, I am not. I am a bitter person who likes looking at the adorable faces!

--Jac

Dear Kids,

Please sleep past 5:30am. Mommy is not a morning person. She is a night owl. It would be nice if you would both get that magic 12 hour mark the average child sleeps at your ages. It would make us all feel better in the morning!

Kisses,
Mommy