Heathen Mommy has insomnia. Horrible bouts of it. She gets approximately 4 hours of sleep a night on a bad night, and only 6 on a good night. Generally it takes her anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours just to fall asleep. That's only if both Heathen children cooperate, which of course, most nights they dont. Mommy Heathen takes care of the Heathen children about 75% of the time when they wake up, since she knows she is going to be awake anyway. Last night, Heathen Mommy goes to bed late. Real late, but she simply wasn't tired. For 2 hours she tosses and turns while Heathen Daddy snores loudly, and graces the Heathen bedroom with a nefarious odor. Heathen Mommy shakes him awake numerous times to ask him to please roll over, which normally stems the snoring. DH ingnores the request all, but twice. Both times glaring at her as if to say "I wasn't snoring.". She falls asleep at approximately 4:30 am -5a.m.
Baby Heathen awakes at 5:30am for her ritual early morning scream. Mommy, soothes her and puts her back bed.
Repeat toss and turn ritual for 45 minutes.
Daddy Heathens alarm goes off waking Toddler Heathen. Daddy Heathen "takes care of" Toddler, dresses and leaves for work.
Toddler is not satisfied with level of care provided, and cries until Mommy is awoken around 7:30am.
Mommy pretends not to hear him until she feels guilty, and begrudgingly gets up.
Mommy discovers Toddler is soaked thru his clothing, and his pacifier is clearly broken.
Good Morning Mommy!
It is now noonish, and I just had to listen to my toddler cry himself to sleep over his pacifier being gone, which of course could have been avoided if Daddy Heathen had done a little more than throw crackers at the situation this morning. When conversing with DH, his solution is:Are you ready for it?



"You should go to bed earlier!"
Well thank you fuckface!! I hadn't ever thought of that before! I guess the prescription drugs would have all been unnesseccary had I gotten your sage advice when I was 10 years old! Phew! So glad I will never have to deal with "insomnia" again!
Anyway, Daddy Heathen is a lucky man. I let him continue breathing today.